This is my first Mother's Day as a Mom. All these past years the first thing I did on this day was wish my mum then sister and the rest of the mothers among cousins and close friends. This Mother's Day, I woke up and waited for my husband to wake up and wish me on behalf of our son (since he is too young to wish me or even blabber 'mamma'). This is just one of the many important things my husband is expected to abide by and he does... quiet like a gentleman.
As I sipped on my coffee, I wished my mum, sister and mother in law. I pondered upon how different life has become since I gave birth to my child. He is the only thing that is on my mind all the time. Sometimes I just want to empty my mind and meditate for a while, I want to not think about anything and just lay there with my eyes closed just for a second. It seems like an impossible thing to do. Once you are a mother, it is never just about yourself. You know you have a responsibility, a huge one. You have a baby who looks at you for every need that you got to attend to. Motherhood is not as simple as it seems. It changes a woman's body and mind like no other. A girl becomes a mother overnight and she is on job training.
I was that girl, I was on field with a tiny human who weighted 6 pounds and looked at me with two tiny eyes. He was hungry, he as crying, I knew what I had to do, he knew what he had to do but we just couldn't succeed. He couldn't latch at first. We tried and tried, he constantly kept crying and so I cried .. I cried fearing what I was going to do? How was I going to take care of him, what if I fail, what if I fail as a mother? There.. That very moment something magical happened. The moment I started crying, he stopped crying and looked straight into my eyes. He saw tears roll down my cheeks and kept staring. That eye contact was so fierce, so innocent and so strong. Something I would easily shy away from but couldn't get away with. He had a lot of questions for me.. It was as if we were communicating which I still cannot decode.
That moment! That is when I actually became a Mother. All my life I was described as independent but emotional, successful but emotional, confident but emotional. The 'but' and 'emotional' came along because I cry a lot. But today I knew I cannot cry, I cannot look helpless. I am a mom. I am the one he is going to turn to in times of doubt, I am the one with solutions to his problems, I am the one with answers to his questions so I just can't cry. I cannot fail my baby! He is hungry and what am I doing? Cry?! I wiped my tears, held him close.. his tiny fingers in my palm and made a firm eye contact. We were both new at this so I told him that I was his mother and assured him that he has nothing to fear. I whispered in his ears 'baby, help me help you'. He latched like a pro. I felt so proud.
I didn't become mother just by giving birth to my baby, he made me a mother, his mother. Today I am a super proud mother of a 5.5 months old exclusively breastfed baby who is at the best of his health and couldn't be any cuter. What more could I have asked from my son on this Mother's Day*
Happy Mother's Day
*Gifts from husband not covered in the story ;)